So, in a popular vote I was asked to blog about the particular topic of friends VS lovers. More specifically, the question went something along the lines of:
"If you get along great with someone how do you know if you two are meant to only be friends, and not lovers? Its like you never know until you cross that line, then its to late. Yeeeah, id like some signs to look for that indicate someone is "friend only" material, and signs that someone has the potential to be more."
Before I respond, I should mention I'M NO EXPERT IN MATTERS OF LOVE. I'm as lost as anyone that reaches into the darkness and hopes someone reaches back. However, I do have some thoughts on the matter. I guess I should start with the word "meant." I don't believe people are "meant" to be friends or lovers; I believe we put people into these categories for whatever reason (and to our own detriment, sometimes the wrong reasons). Now, obviously there's a difference between friends and lovers but i've found the best long-term relationships are a lot like friendships. It's ironic how we divide the two so vehemently. If you're looking for signs, I don't know if they exist, except the obvious ones, like attraction. If two friends are attracted to each other, and get along great, there's no reason why they shouldn't be in a relationship.
Now, many people are worried about what happens if the relationship doesn't work out. Granted, things won't be the same, but that could also be a positive. I mean, if the two parties are honest with each other (and forgo the post-break up awkwardness) the friendship could be stronger than ever. I mean think about it, you'd know the person on practically every level. I think what it comes down to is honesty and maturity. Honesty about your feelings, and maturity to handle the fallout and mess that goes with relationships (hell, there's fallout and mess from friendships too). Who says we have to pick and choose? Great people are great people. For all intents and purposes friends are the best people to date, they also are the biggest risk. If you truly are friends, you should be open and honest about you're feelings. Dive in and see what happens. I mean you only live once, and it'd be a shame to miss a great opportunity over some silly code like, "I don't date friends." I said I was no expert in matters of love but none of us really are. Which is why we shouldn't be afraid of intimately connecting with the people we consider closest in our lives. If you're both mature enough to handle it, you'll both come out the better for it, no matter what happens.
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I *love* the title cuz (very clever), and enjoyed reading it even more ^_^ an eye opening perspective on the "friends-or-lovers" dilemma.
ReplyDeleteI've probably missed out on getting to know a few great people on a more intimate level who were/are friends because I almost always tend to lump honest-and-true (probably the only ones you should even consider dating) friends into the "Family" category. It's as though my mind will not allow me to consider them as anything more then a friend (and when I say it will not allow me to, I mean mentally I black out if I even start to drift towards the thought) like there is something not right about lol.
ReplyDeleteDo I have an experience to share... have I ever dated a friend? (pull up a chair, cause here's a little story that must be told..) technically...yes, only because the friend wouldn't consider me as anything more for yearsss it seemed; no kinda play... like access denied, do not pass go and do not collect $200 lol. At one point something weird happened though, it was as though we were actually dating (wish come true), but without verbally acknowleding it (wtf).
How did my only attempt at dating a friend end? (strange) as strangely as it began no doubt. It ended, but not verbally (again with this s***).. if you are in the group that feels you have to verbally end any type of relationship with someone, then technically, in some kind of strange way.. we're still dating lolol nah let me stop, we're still friends (I put her in the tried-and-true category now. When I was trying to be with her I think infatuation was the driving force). I still love her to life, still get butterflies around her, still think we look like the perfect pair in photos (lolol so gay)..but I try to keep my distance, because I find it incredibly easy to fall for her.
So that was my only experience at dating a friend, perhaps in the same strange way her and I were dating, not verbally acknowleding it.. some friends are dating, but don't even realize it o_O (perhaps they black out at the thought like me) and need only to step back and realize what they want out of partner and a relationship has been in a friend whose been right by there side (through thick and thin) all along.
-Jade